Conquering demons

On my path to peace, I must first conquer my demons.  I've already mentioned how I need to fully identify with who I am in Christ, and I think the importance of that is more than even I can understand. 
I compulsively spend money - mostly on fast food - to make me feel better about being a failure.  The thing is, I am NOT a FAILURE!  I know this in my head, but I guess my heart is a little behind.  So, in the process of becoming one with Christ, I must overcome the spirit of addiction - to spending money impulsively and to eating unhealthy food to make me feel better.   I know that the more I identify with Christ, the less I will identify with being a failure. 

This is just a list of my current "symptoms" so I can see exactly what I need to get rid of.

• Spending money when I'm feeling sad, lonely or depressed.
• Spending money I don't have on things I don't really need - fast food.
• Feeling excited when I buy something new, but guilty soon after.
• Feeling reckless and careless when I spend money.
• Forgetting how much I spend or suffering an emotional "blackout" after a shopping spree.
• Lying about how much I spend.
• Stealing money to keep spending.
• Continuing to spend despite having large debts.
• Feeling anxious, scared or unhappy about my shopping habits.
• Fighting with loved ones over your spending habits.
• Shopping to make myself feel better.
• Hiding purchases and spending habits from loved ones.
• Not knowing (or not wanting to admit) how much I shop.
• Turning to fast food to help cope with the stress of my debts.
• Taking out loans you know you can't repay to cover your debt

I have already admitted that I have a problem - and that problem is spending money I don't have on fast food.  I have already given my debit card to my sister to hold for me, along with most of my cash.  The root of this problem seems to lie in my low-self esteem and depression.  Both of these can easily be overcome with more intake of the Word.


My current goal:

• Read one Proverb and 3 Psalms every AM before I do anything else.  This means getting up 20 min before I wake my son.
• Praise God with upbeat music as I wake my son and alone in my room as he's watching Cat
• Pray with my son every AM before school
• do NOT stop anywhere for a quick breakfast on the way home (walking him to school as often as possible will help this tremendously)
• come right home and listen to Mark Hankins and/or Joyce Meyer's podcast for 30 min - with Bible in hand, taking notes like I was in their services
• Then, take as long as I can (before getting ready for work or wherever I need to go) and just pray in the Spirit after asking God to fill me with His wisdom, guidance, peace, self control and direction.
• Do NOT eat at work. Come right home and read one of the 3 books I'm currently reading to increase my faith while I eat a healthy, light meal before picking up Jay from school. 
• walk to school to get him whenever possible - weather permitting. This is healthy for the whole family - dog included!
• get into evening routine now - before moving in with Gma (more on this later) - limiting TV time to no more than 1&1/2 hours per evening, and including "homework" time with my son, dinner at 6pm-ish, and bath at 8pm-ish, bed by 8:30 then read the Bible & pray before going to sleep.
• have godly music playing at all times when my son is home (and when I'm not actively involved in praying/reading etc. )

 My "support group" consists of: Mark Hankins, Joyce Meyer, Pastor Greg and Debbie Varney, various Christian musicians, and God Almighty as the group leader!
  Once all this is routine for me, I will not have time in my life or in my thoughts to think of myself as a failure and will be fully equipped to do anything and everything God asks of me!  With God, ALL things are possible.  When God brings increase into my life, He does not take away from any other area in my life to increase me.  He increases me in ALL areas at the same time, making me truly rich and adding NO sorrow to it!  Neither does my toiling increase it (Proverbs 10:22). 

James 1:2-6 Amplified Bible

"Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations.  Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience.  But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing.  If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given him.  Only it must be in faith that he asks with no wavering (no hesitating, no doubting). For the one who wavers (hesitates, doubts) is like the billowing surge out at sea that is blown hither and thither and tossed by the wind"